Is Your Antivirus Male or Female?

antivirus-male-or-female-featureDid you know that the French assign a gender to everything, and I do mean everything, even inanimate objects? A house, for example, is female, “la maison“, while a book is male, “le livre“. It got me to wondering how the heck the French decide what gender a particular object is and how they might classify antivirus software. Yes, I know it’s a bit out there but that’s just the way my mind works.

I’m guessing some males, who are using a premium antivirus, such as Norton for example, might classify it as female simply because it’s talkative, asks a lot of questions, and is forever interrupting. However, my antivirus program is super quiet and doesn’t bother me with questions at all, so I needed to find some other source of inspiration.

When I considered the possibility of my antivirus being female, a clear image immediately popped into my head of this Amazonian woman with a silver shield in one hand, an 8 foot spear in the other, and a huge sword in scabbard dangling from the hip. You know, something along the lines of Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones. I have to admit, the mental image was strangely comforting.


On the other hand, when it came to considering a male counterpart, I didn’t get anywhere near the same reaction┬á – Mr. T, Jason Statham, Arnie, Superman, Batman, James Bond, etc. – none of them struck the same chord as my Amazonian knight. So, for me at least, I’m content to believe that my antivirus is definitely female. I just hope that if I happen to uninstall her, she doesn’t take the house with her. ­čÖé

Who was it said females are the “weaker sex” anyway? What utter nonsense – females are, in fact, man’s greatest weakness. My lovely wife, for example, allows me to be believe that I am in charge, which, when you think about it, is very considerate of her.

So, what gender do you think your antivirus program might be?


5 thoughts on “Is Your Antivirus Male or Female?”

  1. I would classify them as a parent watching over us, if not a police officer. I would say some would seem more masculine due to their name and feminine due to their tasks, like you explained.
    In before Marc adds that us Spanish speakers also classify gender roles for everything.

  2. There is no scientific method or general rule. To know the gender of names in french, one must resign oneself to consult the dictionary and to learn the genres by heart.
    But there are certain constants : for example all the words ending with “us” are male : terminus, rictus, lapsus.
    Thus my antivirus is male (and incidentally Chinese) … whether my wife likes it or not!

  3. I’ve often wondered the same thing as far as the French language is concerned. I enjoy your posts (blogs?) and usually manage to laugh or smile to myself at something or other while at the same time learning new information.. Keep up the good (humorous) work.

  4. I have used various programs over the years but currently use Windows Defender. I like to think that my AntiVirus is both male and female. It is there to protect me and as a former Police Officer, I have a hard time with thinking of just males as protectors.

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