Are you a real man?
It’s pretty clear that men are getting a bum deal in video games and if the opinions from some quarters are to be believed, our DNA is about to be re-engineered as gender neutral. Sounds horrifying doesn’t it? I mean, you were born with a pair and you want to keep them right?
Not according to some in the press who would question your right to be a gamer and worse, question your status as a man in society. Here’s a selection of sound bites I scavenged for your perusal.
- Should grown men (and Prince William) be allowed to play video games?
- It’s time for men to man up.
- Psychos will always be psychos; they don’t need video games to help them.
- Your brain is being rewired……and many, many more.
You see, the media has an obsession with labeling everything and before you know it, you as a person have been conveniently placed in a little box, quite erroneously and labels stick don’t they? By media, I mean the mainstream press, most of whose journalists have probably never played a video game in their lives.
“Have you done your homework?”
This is a question heard in every household the world over and is usually followed by
orders requests to tidy your room, get out of bed, go to sleep, wake up or simply, just to get a life. Annoying isn’t it?
Those psycho scientists also have an opinion, having carried out thousands of studies on you and people like you and they still can’t agree. If they had their way, you’d have to move all your kit to the living room, play League of legends with your Mum and sister (playing in your room would be banned), only play online on Saturdays and half of Sundays (for religious reasons) and even TV would be off limits, because you will have reached your interactive quota for the week, if not actually exceeded it. Frankly, it’s not an appealing prospect and without wanting to go all Nineteen Eighty Four about this, you as an individual need to know what’s going on.
You see, homework’s important and you don’t need to be told that already do you? But when you discover that you got a straight flush in your latest report card and the teachers think you’re Einstein’s cousin, it’s still not enough is it? They still think you’re the antisocial psycho that the media have told them you are and the powers that be still want to control you, even after they just discovered that you’re a genius, which you knew already. Oh and if Mr Orwell were here with us now, he’d be your biggest supporter, so don’t forget that.
Are you territorial?
Other scientists however, have confirmed our suspicions that as a gamer you may portray perfectly normal and let’s face it, hard to argue with behaviour both socially and in the games that you play.For centuries, the male of the species, men like you and me, have had a tendency to be intrinsically territorial and studies have shown this to be true, which should come as no surprise to you.
I’m only a scientist during a resonance cascade, so don’t take my word for it; check out what Dr Allan Reiss, MD has to say in your favour. Oh, and he’s the chap who concluded that you and your lady counterparts process humour differently, but then we knew that already didn’t we? Good to be reminded though, don’t you think?
Are you’re being objectified?
There’s another one of those silly words the media love to bandy about so their readers can get all holier than thou about gamers. Yes, that’s right, people like you. Let’s face it, the games we play have been painting us as psychos since John Carmack first started coding Doom. All those muscle-bound marines and gladiators have a lot to answer for, but since you’re a patient and tolerant soul, you’re prepared to persevere aren’t you? You sit there with your ammo belt, your M16, cool shades and dude like swagger and before you know it you’ve got a bunch of scantily clad space cadettes clinging to your legs, who see you as nothing more than some kind of sex object. Weird isn’t it?
See this picture here? The one just above? This is how you’re represented in the games you play and as you can see, it’s beefcakes aplenty, except for maybe the pensive looking dude with the glasses, who will always remind you of what your granny used to tell your Mum, beware of the quiet ones with glasses, but that’s by the by really. You’ve got a hell of a lot to live up to haven’t you, especially when you consider that gamer-girls think these guys are kinda hot.
I feel your pain man; being a guy can be tough, especially when our women folk bang on and on about how we should take things more seriously and not look upon their gender as eye candy or sex objects, as they would have it. Are you about to go running off to your nearest masculism group and form a quasi think-tank that you can then take to the Ministry of Gender (defunct) and stand outside, outraged that your male physique is being used as some cute marketing trick?
I didn’t think so, because what’s important you, isn’t banging your head against your monitor and sobbing over your keyboard, because you were objectified.
No, what’s important to you is getting on with the game and trying not to get your head blown off.
Or, as Dr Gordon Freeman would say……