An Introduction to World Domination!

Okay, so I was dinking around in my study last night when my wife came in and asked what I was doing.  I told her, “The same thing I do every night, Pinky – trying to take over the world!”  She just laughed and left me to geek out privately before I asked her to copy edit yet another bland techy blog entry.  What to do, what to do?  I didn’t feel much like paying bills (who ever does?) and didn’t have enough time to log in to Star Wars: The Old Republic.  So, back to the taking over the world thing – how do I become famous, rich and powerful (not necessarily in that order) and acquire fabulous toys that even the nerdiest of nerds would covet?  I needed a plan… a devious plan!

I’ve tried writing articles for local technical publications, being a “consultant” for graduate students writing thesis papers on cloud computing, blogging about everything from mobile devices to how to be a consultant and about my trip to Seattle (that was a good one!).  I’ve tried speaking at local IT conventions, teaching certification seekers, being a star video gamer (that’s how I got my Razer mouse for free!), and any number of other half-brained schemes.  I’m still not rich and powerful, though.  How could that be?!?!

I looked at my resources:

1. A custom built computer with:
1. ASUS P7P55D-E LX mobo
2. Core i7 860 Quad-core Intel CPU
3. 16GB DDR3 RAM
4. Nvidia GeForceGTX 275 video card
5. Two RAID 0 drive arrays – one with WD 150 GB Raptors and one with 1.2 TB WD drives
2. Two LCD screens – a LG Flatron L227WTG 22” LCD secondary and an Acer H233H 23” LCD primary.
3. A mp3 collection that includes a lot more sci-fi soundtracks (listening to Star Trek 3 – the newly expanded edition right now) and electronica (Faithless by Reverence got me started in ’96) than I would like to admit
4. A stack of games going back around 10 years – the oldest one I can see from where I sit is Ghost Master.  Anyone remember it?
5. My still-awesome Creative/Cambridge Soundworks FourPointSurround speaker system with sub woofer
6. A whole bunch more computers, networking gear and stuff:
   1. A new Samsung QX411 laptop that I love – fast and light!
   2. An old HP Compaq 6710b laptop I should get rid of – time to upgrade the memory anyway
   3. Another custom built computer for my wife – mostly leftovers from when I upgrade – am I the only one that does this?  She doesn’t seem to care as long as it works…
   4. A D-Link DI-624 wireless router Wi-Fi access point that does a fair job of covering my side/side split house that’s like nine stories tall but has a tiny little living space (don’t buy side/side splits!)
   5. A D-Link DGS-1008b 8-port Gigabit switch – when Google Gigabit fiber gets to me (yay Kansas City!) I want to be ready!
   6. A D-Link DGS-1005b 5-port Gigabit switch – more Gigabit goodness
   7. The Cisco PIX-501 firewall that I love and should replace but just can’t
   8. A U-verse modem that is the drug of choice for my internet addiction
7. A clock/thermometer – because I lose track of time in my office and all those computers bake me when I turn them all on
8. Two printers – one Brother 7820N laser MFP for general printing and scanning, one Canon PIXMA MP500 for when I need color
9. More cables than you can shake a stick at – some of which I don’t even know the function of anymore
10. A head scratcher I got for Christmas last year (these are awesome by the way!)
11. A 10 year old Microsoft Precision 2 joystick that still works, Turtle Beach HPA2 headphones (awesome 5.1 surround!), desk fan (headphones heat me up), and an extra mouse (a Razer Lachesis for gaming and for when my Logitech Performance Mouse MX battery runs low)
12. Post it Notes, a cup of pens and fine-point Sharpies, a desk organizer with office supplies and every computer screw/nut/adapter under the sun, a few cans of compressed air, stacks of blank CDs and DVDs, tons of empty CD-cases and several thumb USB drives with who knows what on them
13. And last but certainly not least, my Sprint EVO 3D smartphone (stock for those that care – I like HTC Sense!) and MotoRokr S9-HD stereo-Bluetooth wireless headphones that are my lifeline whenever I’m not in the man-cave.

So… I’m equipped for world domination obviously!  Why am I still not Scott Cameron, esquire, high master-geek of all that I survey?!?

I need a new forum… a new outlet for my geek wisdom and an audience to subvert to my maniacal schemes for nerd-stardom!  Where do you find such a place?  Obviously, my own blog was insufficient… the readers are great, but it’s too local and I need to reach more twisted technophiles like myself.  I’ll bring them with me and we will take over a new land!  Where do we go that has tons of technology-loving, computer-crazy, geeked out targets for my subversive blather?

Then it hit me… Dave’s Computer Tips!  They have readers!  They have talent!  The writing and topics are awesome!  They have what I need – more people!  And guess what?!  Dave asked me if I would like to contribute!  Score!  Home run!  How can I *not* succeed now?  I’m sure to become fabulously wealthy and an internet sensation just like William Hung (remember She Bangs?)!

Ok.  Now I have a goal and a method.  All I have to do is write something so awesome, so spine-tinglingly fabulous that it knocks his readers senseless and converts them to the Dark Side of my farce!  I figure I can either wow them with my technical writing skills, showing my grammatical prowess and excellent use of exclamation points for all to wonder at and grovel before or… I can do something completely different and more powerful yet!  I can create a list of my gadgets and computer equipment that they can all compare with and admire… a list that any technophile will love!  I’ll just slip it in to an article filled with humor and farce (neither of which I’m particularly good at, but, hey, they don’t know that yet!) and they won’t even know what hit them.  They can either lust after what I have (BWAHAHAHA!) or they can feel superior, knowing that they have me beat.  In any case, I’ve got them now!  It’s so elegant!  So, je ne sais quoi!

Ha!  I’ve got you!  My tractor beam is set to stun and I made you sit and read the whole thing!  All your base are belong to us!  You’ll now read my words on a regular basis and I will continue my brain washing until I’ve converted the whole lot of you to the Dork Side.  And you’ll never even realize whats happening… what mastery!  What pizazz!  What subtlety!

You.  Are.  So.  Mine.

On a more serious note, thank you Dave for your invitation to be a part of this great community!  I look forward to tackling topics ranging from mobile and cloud computing to business topics on consulting, entrepreneurship and small and medium business (SMB) tools.  I hope to bring a little humor to some very technical topics and make technology more accessible to everyone.  I plan to spend some time in the mobile and Windows forums here and will try to convince Dave to set up business and cloud computing forums as well.  Oh, and I promise to use less exclamation points in the future as well.

Signing off, Scott Cameron.

Na-Nu Na-Nu