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Joke of the day!!
Jim Hillier
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July 12, 2011 - 5:17 pm

And there he was trying to be so thoughtful......typical!!!!

Jim Hillier
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July 18, 2011 - 5:38 pm

These are all very funny Madala......keep up the great work!!

Excellent!!

Thanks......Jim

Jim Hillier
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July 19, 2011 - 10:50 am

A group of men and a group of women were given a piece of paper and a pencil and asked to write down what gender they thought a computer might be, including four arguments to back up their reasoning.

The men's group decided that computers were female and wrote:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group decided that computers must be male and wrote:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2 They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves.

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model......

The women won!!!!

Mindblower
Montreal, Canada
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September 17, 2008
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July 21, 2011 - 10:41 am

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail[/b:2g49tk2u]
I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The cashier rang up $46.64 charges. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favor. She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again. I gave her the money back same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail[/b:2g49tk2u]
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.' 'They're already buy-one- get-one-free, ' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free lattes and I walked out the door.

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us![/b:2g49tk2u]
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?. When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us!![/b:2g49tk2u]
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us![/b:2g49tk2u]
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us![/b:2g49tk2u]
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us![/b:2g49tk2u]
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

[b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us![/b:2g49tk2u]
While working at a pizza place I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

[u:2g49tk2u][b:2g49tk2u]They Walk Among Us, and they Reproduce ![/b:2g49tk2u][/u:2g49tk2u], Mindblower!

"Light travels faster than sound;
That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak"

Mindblower
Montreal, Canada
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July 24, 2011 - 2:13 pm

You pick up a hitch hiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she collapses inside your car and you take her to a hospital.

Now that's stressful.

At the hospital, they say she is pregnant & congratulate you that you are going to be a father.

You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.

This is getting very stressful.

So then ... you request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are infertile, and probably have been since birth.

So, you are NOT the father.

You are extremely stressed but relieved.

On your way back home, you think about your three kids at home.

NOW THAT'S STRESS, Mindblower!

"Light travels faster than sound;
That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak"

Mindblower
Montreal, Canada
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Forum Posts: 564
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September 17, 2008
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July 25, 2011 - 7:18 pm

Similar to a Wal-Mart e-mail I

"Light travels faster than sound;
That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak"

Jim Hillier
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Member Since:
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July 25, 2011 - 7:40 pm

[size=150:22o7l6yr]LOL[/size:22o7l6yr]

Good one MB!!!

Jim Hillier
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July 26, 2011 - 6:56 pm

A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'

He answered....''Call for backup.''

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother and father took their 6-year-old son to a nude beach. As the boy walked along the beach, he noticed that some of the ladies had boobs bigger than his mother's, and asked her why.

The mother told her son, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is." Satisfied with the answer, the boy left to play in the ocean, but returned to tell his mother that many of the men have larger "pee-pees" than his dad.

His mother explained, "The bigger they are the dumber that person is." Again, satisfied with the answer, the boy returned to the ocean to play.

Shortly after, the boy returned again, promptly informing his mother, "Daddy is talking to the dumbest girl on the beach, and the longer he talks to her, the dumber he gets!"

Mindblower
Montreal, Canada
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July 28, 2011 - 6:19 pm

[size=150:3l94ox5h]THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN[/size:3l94ox5h]

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Africa[/b:3l94ox5h]. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Europe[/b:3l94ox5h]. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Spain[/b:3l94ox5h], very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Greece[/b:3l94ox5h], gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Great Britain[/b:3l94ox5h], with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Israel[/b:3l94ox5h], has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like [b:3l94ox5h]Canada[/b:3l94ox5h], self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes [b:3l94ox5h]Tibet[/b:3l94ox5h] .. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.

[size=150:3l94ox5h]THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN[/size:3l94ox5h]

Between 1 and 80, a man is like [b:3l94ox5h]Iran[/b:3l94ox5h], ruled by nuts.

THE END, Mindblower!

"Light travels faster than sound;
That is why some people seem bright until you hear them speak"

Jim Hillier
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Member Since:
August 9, 2011
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July 28, 2011 - 8:47 pm

LOL

I [i:32kzmyp3]like[/i:32kzmyp3] it MB!!!!

Flying Dutchman
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July 29, 2011 - 9:09 pm

A lot of good ones in the past days! Thanks guys!
----------------------------------------------------------

THE POLICEMAN AND THE BOY
A little boy on the beach makes little people out of sand. A policeman passes by, notices the boy and goes up to him and asks using a sweet tone:
- "What are you making here, my boy?"
- "I make cops with sand, water and shit" says the boy.
- "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Shame on you! Say that again and I

I am human

David Hartsock
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August 7, 2011
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July 30, 2011 - 7:44 am

[quote="Flying Dutchman":3njjkoec]A lot of good ones in the past days! Thanks guys!
----------------------------------------------------------

THE POLICEMAN AND THE BOY
A little boy on the beach makes little people out of sand. A policeman passes by, notices the boy and goes up to him and asks using a sweet tone:
- "What are you making here, my boy?"
- "I make cops with sand, water and s***" says the boy.
- "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Shame on you! Say that again and I

Flying Dutchman
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Member Since:
September 2, 2010
Offline
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July 30, 2011 - 10:33 am

[quote:3a6d1qfj]That one struck a little close to home! [/quote:3a6d1qfj]

---------------------------------------------------------------------

ADAM TO GOD
One day, Adam asked God:
- God, why did you make Eve so beautiful?
- So you

I am human

Jim Hillier
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Forum Posts: 2589
Member Since:
August 9, 2011
Offline
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August 3, 2011 - 7:18 pm

[u:i6gn2kf0]Answering machine message Parents and Grandparents should use:[/u:i6gn2kf0]

If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is.

If you need us to stay with the children, press 2

If you want to borrow the car, press 3

If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4

If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5

If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6

If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7

If you want to come to eat here, press 8

If you need money, dial 9

If you are going to invite us to dinner, or make arrangements to take us to the theater,

start talking.......we are [i:i6gn2kf0]now[/i:i6gn2kf0] listening !!!

Jim Hillier
Admin
Forum Posts: 2589
Member Since:
August 9, 2011
Offline
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August 7, 2011 - 9:43 pm

This is true, as sure as I am riding this camel!

The other day I watched as a female office worker was repeatedly putting a credit card into her computer's floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.

When I politely inquired as to what the heck she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was trying to use the ATM 'thingy.'

They walk among us!!!

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